Thoughts and Fears

Imagine having the name of your child on a list, a short list. A list comprised of the names of the DSRCT warriors in the world. Now, imagine experiencing the loss of one of those warriors/friends...one-by-one, the names are crossed off. Imagine the fear and thoughts going through you mind. Imagine the nightmares and terror.

A fellow DSRCT mom told me that "the reality of Rhema's current battle is all too "real", and she is absolutely right. This is a terrible and sad time for a lot of us but mostly for Rhema's mom and siblings. On Thursday I found myself in an emotionally breakdown, and then a close friend and wife of a DSRCT warrior in heaven wrote the following words "The nightmares and thoughts will come and then they'll go. You will have breakdowns but then they are cathartic and last only a few moments. Get your upset out and then go back to laughing and hanging out with your son.... It's not tonight that we hate and wish away it's everything bad leading up to this... Cancer doesn't always mean death. William has his own path to go down"

Yesterday evening William and I took a stroll through the Japanese gardens at City of Hope. Our walk allowed me some time to think and process the words from my friends. You know what I realized? I realized how blessed we are... Yes, William is sick, but so far he has surpassed all of the expectations and goals. Yes, William is not living the live that any 8 year old would voluntarily pick but, during the past year he has experienced more adventures than most people would in a lifetime, and he has made more friends than anyone I know. Yes, our lives are forever changed by this disease but, most of those changes are for the better. Yes, our lives are little complicated and exhausting but, this is why God blessed us with the help of my mom, compassion and support of great friends, love and wisdom of Randell and my dad, and the prayers and support from all of you.

Kirsten wrote about the language that surrounds cancer. There is a lot "war", "fight", and "battle" talk but the reality of wars, fights and battles are that there is a winner and a loser, and no one wants cancer to be the winner and the patient to be the looser. Seldom during the conversations of cancer will you hear the world "journey" because there is no "journey" in a fight and there is no reflection or enjoyment for a "war" or "battle". William is on a journey. I do not know the outcome, I can only pray for a good one. This is William's journey and I am here to guide him. This is William's journey physically and emotionally - all we can do is support, pray for, protect, love and mentor him.

Please pray for all the friends that are battling this disease. Ashley and Rhema are both nearing
 the end of their battles; please pray for their comfort and peace for the families. Please pray for Rory, as he continues with his battle he is also preparing for his wedding to Kristen. Please pray for Xander as he starts a new treatment, a treatment experimental to DSRCT but with positive hopes and preliminary outcomes. Please pray for the newly diagnosed, re-diagnosed and those that are misdiagnosed.... The DSRCT family is a small one, but we are mighty and we are strong!


This is William's journey and we will Keep on Keepin on' and Live Strong with God in our hearts and courage in our soul!



This is the gate into the garden, it says "There is no profit in

curing the body if in the process you destroy the soul"