Day 10 and the Essence of a Momcologist.

Today is day 10 of William’s most recent chemotherapy cycle. This is the day that if it were to be shown or

acted out on T.V,  it would have the ambience music of the Jaws soundtrack - you know the terror that awaits you, the beast that is stalking you, and you can sense that something is just not right.

Experiences and behavior patterns from the past 18 months have routinely revealed to us that today, day 10,  is the day that William’s body struggles and hurts from all chemo poison. Unfortunately, day 10 often ends with an admit into the hospital for fever, dehydration, pain, or infection. William woke up this morning with the familiar visual signs that there are battles raging within him. Dark circles under his eyes, bleeding gums, a persistent headache, nausea  and extreme bone pain (mostly jaw and femurs) all combine to make an unhappy little boy. Despite how crummy he feels, William has asked me to please hold off on calling the doctor, he is determined to get through this day without getting admitted.  He really does not want to go back into the hospital, can you blame him?  Since William does not have a fever, I have agreed to hold off on the phone call for a few hours. Frankly, as far as I am concerned, if he stays fever free and hydrated,  I will not instigate an emotional upset by making a phone call that results in and admit.  I honestly feel that he deserves some freedom from the hospital, and a sense of control in making a few of his own decisions regarding his own health ;) Needless to say, William will be under the scrutinizing watchful eye of a sometimes over zealous mother.

I received an email yesterday from a reader asking me to define what a “Momcologist” is. It occurred to me that sometimes I write the blog entries without consideration that not everyone has been privy to the lingo and terms often used in the “mommy oncology” world.  I will try to be more aware of the blog audience and define some of the more frequently used terms, starting with Momcologist. The following is description is from Momcologist.com, Writing from the trenches.

“Momcologist” – [mom-kol-uh-jist]

–noun

1. a mother who studies the branch of  medical science dealing with childhood cancer. Her degree is earned at the bedside of her child, in the middle of the night reading advanced medical journals, seeking out the latest study trials and thru the camaraderie of sharing with other momcologists.

A fellow Momcologist known to many as MindiTheMagnificent, an avid Childhood Cancer awareness advocate and member of the popular 46 Mommas Non Profit,  wrote the following about Momcologists in her blog. http://www.mindithemagnificent.com

“This odyssey that we are on never ends.  It is a life long experience that comes with fear, joy, expectation,  hope, loss, life, death, post traumatic stress syndrome, nightmares, exhaustion......... It is a life changing experience.  Some good, some horribly wretched.  We rally together, reading, writing, texting, facebooking our hearts out in an effort to find community and comfort.  That is why I am here, today.  Offering my heart.  To each one of us who are on this path.  We ache for things to be as they were before this beast entered our lives.  While being eternally grateful for those that are with us.  Holding our hands and our hearts, witnessing, as our new lives are crumbling, unfolding and being reborn.

I have an extreme distaste in my mouth when people use these three words:  Lesson, Gift, Reason.  Every person is on an upward path of growth.  That growth is possible without this experience.  There is no Lesson, Gift or Reason, worthy enough of what our families and children are put through.  We are put on a fast track of growth.  Racing along to keep up the lightning speed in which things happen.  Gasping for air as circumstances change in the blink of an eye.  The depth of our knowledge of our child's disease would keep any Oncologist on their toes.  From the moment the words are spoken, "Your child has cancer." we learn what perspective really is.  We have gained a new appreciation of the mundane and rudimentary things in our lives.  Moments we never gave a second thought to, are now sacred and crystalline in their value.  Some of our friends fade away. People we never truly considered friends, become steady rocks in our lives.  Our fellow Childhood Cancer families sometimes mean more to us than our blood relatives.

I would gladly revoke my membership to this club, if I could.  Yet, I am constantly humbled and filled with love for the members of this club.  We understand each others lingo, quirks, fears and joys.  Through CaringBridge, CarePages, Blogs, Facebook, Email, and phone calls, we cradle each other with the gentleness of a shared experience.  I look at You and you and you.  All of you, with the deepest understanding, the fiercest love and the proudest of honor.  We are family.  The kind that doesn't get fractured.  We will be life long friends and advocates.  My heart bursts with the love of knowing you.

I am a mom, wife, sister, caregiver, compadre, warrior, goddess, advocate, woman.  Above all else, I am a Momcologist. Fiercely at your side.  Holding your heart, knowing your hold mine”

This is William's journey and we will Keep on Keepin on' and Live Strong with God in our hearts and courage in our souls