I want to give you all the facts and try not to throw any emotions in to the picture but after rewriting the first paragraph a few times I decided that you can have it all. Deal with it. You want to know what is going on – you will know it all.
My daughter’s instincts have been honed the last two years and I have trusted her when she said last week she was going to take Will back to COH. I don’t know what they would have done at home with the way Will’s pain has increasingly gone out of control. Dr Andersen and his team at COH took control immediately and Will was checked back into hospital. Scans showed that the cancer has multiplied beyond expectation and has invaded his heart and lungs too. His one kidney has completely shut down.
They had a terrible night last night with fevers coming and going and Will’s blood pressure going up, sore muscles and constant headache. Eventually the right sleeping and pain meds kicked in and he is comfortable now.
The feelings of hopelessness and anger are my constant companions. My heart and chest is physically aching with despair when I think about Lois, my baby girl, who is this amazing mother that has to go through this horrible heart ache that nothing in the world can help her to endure.
We get the same supportive emails and messages from most of you about prayers and love. Thank you –we appreciate the thoughts. I sometimes think I get it – God and love and cosmic presence. But right now I think it makes no sense. Do you think you can walk in Lois’ shoes for at least the last month and still say your usual prayers?
Randell is with his wife and son right now most probably feeling more hopeless than he ever felt in his life before. But Lois and Will love him and having him there makes them feel stronger and give them more courage to face the beast.
I will join them early next week and Jacques will follow a couple of days later. Dr Andersen thinks we have another few days before it is the end.
Grandma Sally
6 comments:
I firmly believe that all of our prayers are what is getting Lois through this terrible time, so yes, I can keep saying them. As a grandma myself, I feel so horrible for you and what you are all going through. I pray for you as well. You are being so strong and supportive for William and your daughter and husband, I have a great deal of admiration for you all.
Dear Sally,
I am an onco-mom of Steven +2005.
Helplessness, agony, despair, hopelessness, terrors of death and horror are known to me.
There are no prayers, only groans.
The Lord can take it, all those emotions, they are our purest prayers. They are Lois' prayers. And yours.
I wished I could take your pain away...
Keep clinging onto Him, He is our only source of strength, supernatural strength.
Kristien
Belgium
Lois, I am so sorry....I just want to make sure you received the message about the pediatric hospice home care nurse Sue Price (530) 363-4296, I told her to call Heidi to get in touch with you. She knows all the ramifications of getting hospice at home for William. When Sean was at the end of life dying from cancer last August I chose to keep him in the hospital because I knew it would be too difficult to manage his pain at home. Sean did not die! because thank God I insisted he be seen by a surgeon, who was able to remove the tumor that was isolated to his face. He did lose half his face and had reconstruction. Lois, I know what your going through and I am fighting the tears because I know the pain you are in. I don't understand God, I feel so sad for William. I hope my message doesn't upset you, I just wanted to make sure you had the info about hospice. Just in case it is possible for William.
Sally, a day does not go by where I do not think of and pray for you guys. I WILL NOT stop!
~ Jackie
I was telling my friend about little William. I fell apart telling her, and I know there are a number of us who are just as heartbroken. I had mentioned his questions about Heaven, etc. My friend told about her son. He had a tube in his mouth, and the decision had to be made about life support, which was discontinued. My friend kissed her son good bye. His mouth was shaped like an o, due to the tube. She walked to the end of the bed, turned and took one last look at her precious son, and saw a smile. He was no longer in pain and was at peace. My friend and her husband could not believe this, and the nurse witnessed it too.
In 1995 my father was in surgery, had an out-of-body experience. He had died, but he was watching from above how frantically the medical staff worked to bring him back. He came back, and started telling the doctor what was said, the exact number of nurses around helping and a few other things. When I visited him, he told me of this experience. After much research on my own, and have some religion, I believe there is life after death, and that love between people never goes away.
About a month after my mother passed in my home. I was in my bed, it was a cold night, and about the time I was ready to doze off, I felt a warm, loving something (spirit?) touch my cheek. It was just for a few minutes, but I felt it. It did scare me a little, but I felt loved. I was not thinking of her, but about the things I had to do the next day. I know these things may sound a little weird or crazy, but these are experiences that had happened. I have kept these things to myself, until I told my friend. She shared some experiences through her life too. We both laughed, because we were afraid to share for fear of being laughed at. She suggested I share our experiences with this family. I believe when it is Williams' turn, he will still be near in spirit. I admire him so much. He is more of a person than I could ever be. ---My little friend you are a great inspiration to many of us. You have hung in there for a long time, and don't be afraid. You will remain in our thoughts and hearts for some time. I still pray for you nightly, and I see your sweet little smile. ~Em~
Dear Sally and Jacques,
From your friends back in NC, our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. We surround you with our love.
Darla
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